Dear Ex

I miss you, so fucking much.
It feels like years, its only been months.
My smile is a rarity
I’ve begged the Lord for clarity.
Every dream with you is vivid and sweet.
Every morning is a pain that runs deep.
If only I knew what I could do,
To wake up one day with a message from you.

Thoughts of April 5th

I lay here in bed, shell of my former self. 
Wars in my head, memories on the shelf. 
Wishing for death, still feel sorry for myself. 
I miss where I was one year ago. 

Are You Still There

Dear Lord I know its been awhile since we’ve talked. 
Grew to hate you for everything you took from me, I turned my back as you can see.
I’m not strong enough to take this on myself so I’m coming back to you asking for help.
I know I’ve been an awful person and I’ve made so many mistakes.
Please guide me back to a safer place.

Fuck it

Tired of acting like I’m ok.
Living in fear of what they might say. 
It’d break my heart to disappoint you,
But I’m uncertain of what I must do.
Living in the moment has me at a loss,
Twenty-six years feels long enough.

Redemption

For years I’ve felt like I had the short end of the stick.
Came to the realization that I’m the one to blame for this.
Never thought about the future, just wanted to live in the now.
Now the now is here, I’m full of fear that the only way out is down.
I can not quit, keep my head up high
Brick by brick, I’ll find my stride.